Turns out, that my house does NOT have pair gains, so I'm right royally screwed. Damn, do I have good luck! To go and pick the only house in Opperman way not to be able to have ADSL because of it's intricate web-like cable layout from here to the exchange. Yay, go me! I bet it was some Telecom technician back in the 70's going 'Hehe, this is gonna really fuck someone up in 30 years, let's do this!' and laid the cable everywhere but a direct route to my house.
Time to see if I can get anything done the dodgy way. :P