I had created a thread on Whirlpool, seeking some suggestions on what to do about my ADSL troubles (see previous post). Ultimately, my chances lay with a request to Telstra with an NPGDSL request, where you request a new phone connection, solely for the reason of using ADSL. It's the request you make when you find out you have 'pair gains' (when they got cheap in the 50s-70s and gave you half the copper to save money). You get a new line (full copper cable) so that ADSL can be transmitted along it.
Turns out, that my house does NOT have pair gains, so I'm right royally screwed. Damn, do I have good luck! To go and pick the only house in Opperman way not to be able to have ADSL because of it's intricate web-like cable layout from here to the exchange. Yay, go me! I bet it was some Telecom technician back in the 70's going 'Hehe, this is gonna really fuck someone up in 30 years, let's do this!' and laid the cable everywhere but a direct route to my house.
Time to see if I can get anything done the dodgy way. :P